It's How You Get There

I walked through the night, and found him there.  It wasn't God, He wasn't missing. This is the one I always wonder about. Wondering if he'll be part of this life or not.  Wondering if he's real.  Wondering if I'm crazy for wondering anymore... And on this particular night as I wondered, I looked up and whispered.  Whispered a wish to the stars I couldn't see, about the man I couldn't find. Then the night went still, and for a moment I felt a wondering back. The beat of a heart. It echoed mine. Curiosity.  Confusion, excitement,  Hope. Then the red and blue lights of a patrol car swept by, slicing the air. And in their passing left just God and I,  walking the empty street. Only this time, I wasn't left wondering. -Shayla

"...I know in whom I have trusted." (2 Nephi 4:19) My entire life I've been almost entirely surrounded by others. With 7 kids (who act more like a pack of puppies than not on any given day) none of us were ever truly alone. At 19 I left on a mission for my church where I was always with another missionary...the only time I slept in a room by myself was my last night before I went home. Then I was back home, and my 19-month-old baby sister was always among the first of my siblings to pop into the guestroom as soon as the sun would start to shine.  In college I had roommates, and whenever I visited home though I often had a room to myself, there was almost always someone there with me. Someone coming to just sit on the bed. Someone coming to talk about their day. Someone, there was always someone.  It wasn't until shortly after graduating that I got my own apartment and truly lived on my own. I remember that first night in the apartment. My family had left, and I wa...

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. -George Bernard Shaw Their eyes are gleaming in anticipation. White teeth glinting. They stomp eagerly at the line, aching to dart forward, but are held back by the invisible force of command. I begin inching backwards, knowing that if I move too quickly the tenable control we have will break, and I may not be able to get it back before the damage has been done.  I stretch my legs a little bit, all the while watching them carefully. Looking for signs that one of them might snap. They chatter excitedly, fidgeting, but they stay behind the line. Taking a couple steps backwards I look over at the others then nod. They back away from the sides of the line, leaving me alone to face the eight kindergartners twitching for the signal to charge into the playground.  Eyeing them suspiciously I address my little pack: " Now, remember, we run when I say 'go'."  Shouts of agreement come from the gr...

  There's a kind of magic that comes with rainy days. It whispers enticingly, the urge to curl in bed with a blanket, to listen to its whispers as it empties the streets of regular passers-bys, lets you catch glimpses of the shadow figures you'd regularly miss in the bright sunlight, reminding you that there are worlds within worlds, and asking you to find some of that in yourself. The majesty of stillness in the presence of constant rainfall and taxi horns, the deep baying calls of busses as they continue their rhythmic looping, the cough of the ahjussi smoking under the eves, sounds so common you'd say they might as well not exist until you're suddenly faced with their absence. It isn't until then that you realize those moments fed your soul.

You have to taste a culture to understand it. - Deborah Cater So, I haven't seen anyone (well hardly anyone) from my local congregation since October. We've been meeting through zoom, and video etiquette determines that if you're not speaking the video and audio stays off. Since I'm not quite at church speaking level, most people haven't seen me for almost 4 months now.  Which leads to something that will be a secret between you and me - my goal is to lose enough weight that the ladies at my church start asking me if I've been eating enough. Yeah, it's a weird goal, but I don't do well with numbers. Just ask my Mom - she's the one who's suffered most from my stubborn dislike of numbers (the fact I can do any math at all is 100% due to her tireless patience). But reactions? Subjective responses that have little or nothing to do with anything?  Sign me up.  Honestly though, that has been an interesting side effect of moving to Korea - I'm shrin...

Violence is never the answer but sometimes, like with cockroaches, it is the only possible response. Tanya Huff If you've read the title, and it made you squirm, this post may not be for you. I'll still love you, I won't even know you didn't, and since you clicked on the link, I've already got the click count so feel free to move on to a bug free realm.  For those of you who have stuck around, LET ME TELL YOU. I've become a ninja. My powers of observation have tripled. I know the black spots in my apartment intimately , and if there's a new spot, I have a swath of toilet paper or my Squisher Swiffer (a repurposed floor mop) in a matter of seconds.  My "Sweet Home" fans (all two of you) know how I'm vibing. Before you go "But Shayla, there's poison for those!", I've got my passive defense too. I have two different types of roach bait, some roach spray, and a Borax/sugar mix that I keep under the sink and sprinkle in the garbage...

 It's amazing to me how somethings as basic as the toilet and restrooms can have so many different variations. I mean, thankfully they have toiles here (never anything I worried about, but am grateful for), but it's not always the same, friends.  My apartment is definitely no Hilton by any means, and T Teacher sniffs whenever I talk about it and he frequently tells me I could be doing better (considering his new apartment has an actual bedroom and no roaches, he thinks it makes him an authority on these things). Many bathrooms, especially in budget housing, are wet rooms - a toilet and shower head with a tub spout sticking out of the wall, no sink and no shower curtain. Initially this took a little bit of getting used to, and deciding between the spout to wash my hands or the kitchen sink is something I still struggle with. I hadn't realized how accustomed I was to my setup until I had a couple friends over, and one was like "Sis, you don't have a sink in your bath...

“Memories of childhood were the dreams that stayed with you after you woke.” ― Julian Barnes, England, England Sometimes when you lay in bed with the clear intent to sleep early, moments come that change all of your plans. Granted, the two hour nap I took earlier today may have something to do with that, but sometimes my mind isn't done with me. Tonight it felt like a fairly strong combination of the two. Thoughts flooded my mind, and I found myself almost reliving memories from when I was younger, my sense flooding with sights and sounds that seem almost ancient now.  Most, if not all, off these memories take place in a small apartment where we lived in Virginia for several years as Dad finished his doctorate degree and then started working. My memory is a little hazy, and we moved back in forth there, so these memories are all a mixed jumble of events.  I remember running through the apartment from one side to the other, little brother tearing along behind me. That room was ...

"The limits of my language mean the limits of my world." Ludwig Wittgenstein Today I flexed my new Korean skills and told my friends that (and I quote) the "stomach skin called me". What I meant  to say, was "I called my family", but both the friends I was messaging and google translate assured me that was not what actually happened.  Welcome to the perils of language learning.   Before coming to Korea I knew that some people would likely speak English, and that I would be spending most of my days in English due to work. I didn't realize though how much all of the other time would be in English too. I was talking with my Dad today, and he said that he was realizing how different my "immersion" experience was compared to his. Both of my parents served missions for our church in different countries, Mom in Guatemala and Dad in Argentina. When Dad was there by about 6 months in he felt he had a decent mastery of the language and could express hi...

“The soul is healed by being with children.”   — Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Russian novelist and philosopher My kids are trying hard to steal my heart and I think it's working.  A couple weeks ago I was going through a little bit of homesickness/after graduation crisis, and maybe the littles could tell. I try hard to keep that separate from work, since my mood does a lot to set the tone for how the day goes for them, but kids are incredibly intuitive. There is a lot they don't miss. So maybe I fooled them, but they're smarter than I am, so probably not. What amazes me though are which kids initially reach out. In Sun Class (older kindergarten) we have Dani who is a feisty little thing with a big attitude. Her dad also brings her to school on his motorcycle, and let me tell you, I didn't believe it the first time she told me. Then I saw it. Her dad doesn't match our Harley biker stereotypes, but to say he isn't super cool pulling into that parking lot with her tucked be...

“Oogway: There are no accidents. Shifu: [sighs] Yes, I know. You've already said that twice. Oogway: That was no accident either. Shifu: Thrice.” ― Kung Fu Panda I cried in church today.  I woke up to Sunday like I regularly do, put on my makeup like I regularly do, walked into church five minutes before it starts like I regularly do, and sat in my seat like I usually do, and cried.  It wasn't a loud cry, that was saved for the video call with my parents when I got home. It was the gentle welling where only a tear or two escapes, but knowing it's only one "are you ok, dearie?" away from exploding into a miniature representation of Old Faithful.  The week was a bit of an emotional one. Perhaps it was a delayed onset of culture shock, or maybe my erratic sleep schedule had started to catch up with me, but I was closer to my emotions than I have been in a while. A large part of it has been I have slowly felt myself slipping in key behaviors that generally keep me afl...

"The world is a looking glass and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face.” – William Makepeace Thackeray It's been 4 months since I've come to Korea, and like I regularly tell my friends "I've felt like I've been here for days or years, take your pick." The closest thing that I've had to this in my life was when I served a mission for my church. Each day felt it lasted a year, each week a month, the each month a week, and the year a day. Time kind of did it's own thing and I lived within it.  I think a large part of why that is is because steep learning curves have a way of sucking you into them. You become such a part of the experience that when you finally surface for air you realize days have passed in the sea of everything you've had to learn. My Grandpa "C" asked me yesterday if I felt like I had settled in or if I was still in the middle of adjusting, and while I told him I felt like I was out of the woods, I mi...

“Live your life by a compass, not a clock.” – Stephen Covey How did I end up spending my first Korean Thanksgiving in one of the most historic cities of South Korea? Well, it wasn't entirely by accident, and it wasn't entirely on purpose. It was entirely Tharek Teacher, and that's really all that can be said. My plans for the five day holiday had mostly consisted of watching dramas (Chinese or Korean was TBD), continuing with my rice and dumpling diet, and maybe possibly going out for pizza towards the end to finish it all in a style that all my previous roommates will attest to being very Shayla-esque.  So when Tharek texted me asking if I had any plans for Chuseok, I wanted to say yes. But I also knew that while Tharek would be polite about it, he'd still call me out my lameness. So I said no, and he presented me with this proposition to go traveling over the break. Immediately the part of Shayla that GETS REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT GOING PLACES jumped forward to remind me ...