Roaches

Violence is never the answer but sometimes, like with cockroaches, it is the only possible response.

Tanya Huff

If you've read the title, and it made you squirm, this post may not be for you. I'll still love you, I won't even know you didn't, and since you clicked on the link, I've already got the click count so feel free to move on to a bug free realm. 

For those of you who have stuck around, LET ME TELL YOU. I've become a ninja. My powers of observation have tripled. I know the black spots in my apartment intimately, and if there's a new spot, I have a swath of toilet paper or my Squisher Swiffer (a repurposed floor mop) in a matter of seconds. 

My "Sweet Home" fans (all two of you) know how I'm vibing.

Before you go "But Shayla, there's poison for those!", I've got my passive defense too. I have two different types of roach bait, some roach spray, and a Borax/sugar mix that I keep under the sink and sprinkle in the garbage can. But while it means I find dead roaches, it doesn't mean I don't have live ones to deal with.

Roaches can sense fear. Or more accurately, they can sense hesitation. It's really the only thing they've got going for them, because asides from procreating like mad, they just aren't much to brag about. They're fast, but being a million+ times their size I have some distinct advantages when it comes to distance and range. Their shells are also pretty tough, but if you're committed to the squish, they're not going to make it through. And you've got to be committed to squishing them friends, a half squished roach is NOT a happy roach. 

But back to hesitation. When I first started to realize what they were and what was going on, I wasn't doing great with the psychological battle. And if you flinch seconds away from squishing a roach, the first thing they do is run. I hate chasing roaches, they're fast, they climb places, some can fly. It's not a good time. 

It got hairy there for a while. Especially when the roach traps that were in the apartment before I arrived expired. I had started to realize that the roach community was thriving a little more than normal, but I was still pretty new to shopping here and didn't want to be that "foreigner buying roach bait because she's obviously not very clean". 

Considering I've cleaned houses for a living, that kind of label hurts my soul. I'm a pretty clean person. My house gets a tight wipe down once a week and a serious deep tidy about once a month. The trash goes out regularly and I keep my food scraps in the freezer until garbage day. But of course, no one at the grocery store knows about that. They just know I'm buying roach killer, and you don't buy that unless you need it. My pride couldn't handle it.

Then one morning I walked into my kitchen to go to my bathroom, and as my light switched on the following occurred:

I had at this point successfully killed probably about seven roaches, and I wasn't seeing any others. Feeling not quite right, I started putting the dishes from the night before away, hoping the rhythm from cleaning would help me relax a little bit. Grabbing the rice cooker pot I lifted the lid of my cooker and came face to face with three roaches chilling at the bottom of my pot. 

In that moment, something overtook me. It was like that heartbeat pause in a western before the draw. The two cowboys staring each other down, and the hero realizes that despite all his best efforts towards peace, it was time for the double tap. So as the roaches skittered underneath the pressure plate, I put the pot back in the rice cooker, plugged it in, and flipped the switch. 

Roach children are raised to fear my name, because I still use that rice cooker. 

Since then roaches have lost a lot of their scare factor. Yeah, if one appears out of thin air next to me like they're prone to do, I'll get an unpleasant start. But as I mentioned at the top, I've got my arsenal close at hand. 

I don't like roaches. They make me uncomfortable, but I have learned from them. A lot of things in life don't wait for hesitation. Granted you prepare for it. No sudden movements. Breathe steady (I tell you they can sense it if you get too agitated). A gradual approach with a little preparation. Then strike. the moment they run isn't when you're grabbing the toilet paper. It's rarely when you go get the spray. It's always in that moment where you go to strike that they move. But you only miss them if you hesitate. So just squish. 

-Shayla