Little Thoughts on Thursdays

“I’ve come to a frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.”  - Haim Ginott

When I was younger I remember how excited I was when I would get that text notification from a friend. Before that it had been email, and I'd have to wait days between messages. When I first started texting I loved the faster responses, hearing from them within minutes. Gleaning every ounce from the 160 word count limits. This was a vast improvement it seemed to me from having to wait for the email or the chance to see them on Sunday at church. I loved my friends, and I loved talking to them.

Today I still feel much of that thrill when a text message hits my inbox. But now, I wonder if the motivation behind that thrill isn't a little different than it was before. Am I super excited to talk to my friend because they're my friend, or because I'm waiting to see how they react to what I sent? Is this a continuation of the "like button" culture, where I'm not contributing to the conversation so much for them, but for self-gratification? 

Teaching day after day has called to my attention how much of my mindset has been about me. What I think is funny, what I want to talk about, how they feel about me... But I can't focus on that as a teacher. My job is to figure out what they're thinking, what they want to talk about, how I feel about them. If there have been times where I've had a hangup in my class it's almost always when I'm trying to meet my perceived needs, and not theirs. My every action tells them what's important to me, and if my thoughts aren't prioritized, how can my actions reflect that? 

This line of thought has extended into my personal relationships, and my motivations in the conversations I've been a part of. How often am I having those conversations because I'm actively engaged in the other person? Asking follow up questions, expressing genuine interest? 

Teaching has me wondering if it's not often enough. 

-Shayla